Why You Keep Selling Yourself For Nothing

So, you just sold yourself. 

The new LinkedIn connection was accepted.  What’s next? Usually, not much.

Every day, we go on LinkedIn for one single reason - to sell ourselves. We validate our status, check likes, comments, and engagements on our posts; see who has viewed our profile; look for job openings or leads; promote our work, products, or services; and build our personal or company brand. Even when we participate in a discussion, we sell ourselves. There's nothing wrong with that; I do it, too.

However, every day, we make the same mistake over and over again. Just as in business, when chasing new leads, customers, connections, and whoever else, we stop engaging by far too early. Literally: Right. After. The. Sale.

But what about the CEO of a Fortune 500 company we were connected to yesterday? What about the hundreds of others who accepted our connection requests since May? What about our existing clients? Why did they become so unimportant to us after the sale is done?

Here are the psychological reasons why we stop too soon:

1. The novelty bias (wrong goal setting)

Our brains are wired to seek novelty and reward. Making a new connection gives us a small dopamine rush, a sense of achievement. It’s the same ancient spark that once drove humans to discover fire or create tools, now driving us to collect connections, likes, and leads.

But this“newness effect” is short-sighted. As soon as that dopamine hit fades, we’re onto the next shiny object - the next connection, the next post, the next quick win. We’re caught in what neuroscientists call diversive curiosity - chasing stimulation for its own sake, often without deeper purpose.

Brands have long known how to exploit this bias: product launches, limited editions, and ads promising ‘the next new thing’ tap directly into this primal response.  And just like consumers get hooked on the next new thing, we get hooked on the next new connection.

We end up in a cycle of shallow wins, mistaking novelty for progress, and neglecting the relationships that could truly sustain us.

Pro Tip:
We’re chasing the wrong “wins.” Instead of setting short-term goals (connect, make a sale, move on), focus on the long game: meaningful engagement that leads to repeated business, advocacy, and trust.

Your next big opportunity isn’t in what’s new - it’s in what you choose to nurture.

2. The illusion of progress (wrong success metrics)

A new connection or sale feels like a sign of progress. It’s visible, countable, and gives us that satisfying sense of momentum. But this is often a vanity metric: it tricks us into believing the work is done, when in fact, the real work of nurturing and growing that relationship should begin here.

This is why so many dashboards, CRM tools, and sales reports can create a false sense of achievement - they highlight new contacts, new leads, and fresh activity, but rarely spotlight what endures or deepens.

It’s like filling a bucket with holes. You can keep adding, but you’ll never build real value until you start plugging the gaps with retention, trust, and sustained engagement.

Pro Tip:
Measure success by retention, not just acquisition. Track the conversations that continue. Track repeat business, repeat interactions, and advocacy. That’s where the real progress lives.

Progressisn’t how many hands you shook - it’s how many relationships you grew.

3. The discomfort of deeper engagement (avoiding emotional risk)

When we chase a new lead, we rarely have any emotional investment in the “target.” The interaction is safe as we’re playing on neutral ground. But once a connection is made, the dynamics change. We’ve opened a door, and with that comes vulnerability: What if they don’t respond? What if we bother them? What if we fall short of their expectations?

Deeper engagement forces us to risk rejection, awkwardness, or feeling like we’re imposing. So instead, we default to what feels safer: chasing the next lead, the next like, the next surface-level interaction.

This is where novelty bias intersects with emotional avoidance. We stay in the shallows because the deep end feels risky, even though that’s where real relationships, loyalty, and opportunity live.

It’s the same reason brands often prefer campaigns that attract attention over those that build lasting trust: because a deep connection takes effort, patience, and resilience in the face of potential rejection.

Pro Tip:
Don’t just reach out - show up with value. When you focus on helping, sharing, or supporting, the fear of “bothering” melts away. Make each interaction less about you and more about what you can offer.

The deeper the engagement, the stronger the opportunity — if you’re willing to face the risk.

4. Short-term mindset (the hunter vs. farmer trap)

Modern work culture celebrates quick wins: the deal closed, the connection made, the spike in engagement.

We act like hunters, always chasing the next prize, focused on acquisition. Once we “bag” the lead or connection, we move on, searching for the next target - the thrill of the hunt outweighs the quieter, slower work of cultivation.

But real, lasting value comes when we think like farmers: planting seeds, tending relationships, and patiently growing trust over time. The hunter fills today’s need; the farmer ensures a future harvest.

This short-term mindset is systemic. Quarterly targets, short CMO tenures, performance metrics, and social media algorithms all reinforce the urge for quick results over sustainable growth.

Pro Tip:
Don’t stop too soon. Shift from hunting for wins to cultivating relationships. Ask yourself: What seeds am I planting today that will bear fruit next quarter, next year, or beyond?

5. Cognitive load + overwhelm

We live in a world of constant input: notifications, meetings, messages, to-dos. Our minds are in survival mode, juggling hundreds of demands at once. So we naturally prioritise what’s urgent or new.

Our existing connections and relationships quietly fade into the background noise. This isn’t a bad intent, but it’s how our brains cope with overload. Just like a cluttered desk hides your most important document, a cluttered mind hides your most valuable relationships.

Pro Tip:
Revisit your strategy often. Pause. Clear the noise. Ask yourself: What was my ultimate goal when I started this relationship?

So, what can you do?

The same principles that drive after-sales marketing can help you turn these daily interactions into loyalty, advocacy, and opportunity.

Here’s how to apply After-Sales Marketing on LinkedIn:

Retention: Stay present after the digital handshake. Keep showing up. Comment thoughtfully, acknowledge milestones, share useful insights. Be the connection they want to see pop up.

Consistency: Build trust through regular, meaningful presence. Post regularly, but don’t just add to the noise - bring value instead. Be part of their daily scroll.

Emotional loyalty: Connect beyond the profile. Tell stories. People remember how you make them feel, not just what you sell.

Value add: Keep helping without asking. Share tips, frameworks, and ideas that make your connections’ lives easier. You’ll be the one they remember and return to.

Advocacy: Make your network your champions. Shine a light on others. Recommend, reshare, endorse. What you give often comes back stronger.

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Stay Engaged.

Vlad

I’m a strategic advisor, keynote speaker, and author specialising in customer loyalty, emotional engagement, and after-sales marketing. I work with brands, membership organisations, and chambers of commerce globally. I’m always open to new conversations - feel free to message me here or on LinkedIn.